Friendship with myself in solitude
I got married while I was still in college and since then always have been with my family.
I am eternally grateful that I am loved by my family always .
I have always wanted more from my husband in terms of time and attention.
It used to make me sad if he is away and I looked forward for his return always . This seems very normal and rather good for most of us .
Since past 6 years, my husband is working in a different city and I would meet him on the weekends.
Initial days were very tough as I am always wanting his presence.
I cried , fought and resented and blamed everyone and everything.
Suddenly stillness came into my life and the noise settled down.
I started feeling that I cannot ask anyone to make me happy and I cannot put that pressure on anyone to give me company.
I realised I feel very entitled about my husband. I always felt we both should be there for each other and do a lot for each other.
This is what I saw while growing up and I see around me in good marriages.
I am grateful that I have this good habit of journaling and reading books .
Grace always sends What we all need the most if we have faith and it did in my case with my books and journaling .
Slowly in over 2 yrs , I have reached a good place in life where I enjoy my own company, I have found my love for walks, working out and reading more without wanting my husband to fill that space for me.
I am proud of myself that I can sit by myself in joy and peace without feeling empty as I have found that inner friend in myself.
This has set me free and I wish to enjoy my own solitude more so that when I enter others company, I would like to take my joyful happy self to them.
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