Childhood memory

I was taking a nap peacefully on one afternoon next to my husband and I suddenly woke up with a very old childhood memory which was very special for me .

It was deep inside my subconscious memory .

I had a friend Neelima in my residential college in 11th and 12th grade.

We both were in hostel together and we belong to the same town so for one of the vacations we went home together and I happened to stay back at her place that night and that evening and night has etched a great memory forever.

We reached her place and her mom has prepared for our bath with tubs of hot water and helped us wash our long hair . She later dried our hair gently and invited us to the table which was organised with delicious home cooked curries , rice and a dessert.

Then she took us to our beds which were prepared flawlessly with crisp cotton sheets and mosquito nets around both our beds.

They had a three or a four room home but I was so touched by the love and care .

Now I understand that is ‘unconditional love ‘ , just loving children for whatever they are.

I kept thinking lying in my bed next to my friend , how lucky she is the way she is treated and embraced in her home .

It is not that my parents didn’t care or love but somehow I never was hugged or kissed by my mom and she was a Very strict person and for her it is all about getting good grades and the performance which she thought will lead me to a good successful life.

My dad used to hug me and express love but he got so busy over the time that I lost his attention too.

I was so happy that night for the peace and attention I received at their home and of course was praying and wishing for that kind of peace at my home and that kind of attention and affection from my Parents . At that time in my home ,my dad started having alcohol issues and my mom couldn’t handle his habit and there were lot of issues between them. I was always praying for them to be at peace and happy .

As years went by , I raised my two boys and gave them  lot of care, attention and love and never trusted anyone else to take care of them .

I never understood why was I so obsessed about showing my affection, reading stories and always trying to be there for them and sometimes overdoing too.

That was my healing I guess.

Now my children are adults and I am learning to just be there in the background and letting them learn the ways of life.

I don’t like to blame my parents for my experiences as they did a lot of great things for me too and all of us do whatever we know the best at that point in time but I have learnt from my childhood that children need only peaceful home and they want to see their parents who love each other.

I tried never to argue or fight even when there is difference of opinion at my home as I always felt the damage is way deeper and not worth it .